Prolly Gonna Snap: A Field Guide to Dipshit Words Destroying the Language
We’re living in a time where words don’t mean anything anymore. The English language has been gutted, hollowed out, and left twitching in a ditch while morons clap like seals at TikTok slang that makes them feel “edgy.” It’s not edgy. It’s linguistic rot, and it’s spreading faster than herpes at spring break.
“Prolly.” That’s where I snap. The word is “probably.” Seven letters, three syllables, and a shred of dignity. But no, some genius had to shave it down like they’re on a life-saving mission to reclaim two seconds. You aren’t saving time. You’re advertising brain rot. Every time you type “prolly,” you’re telling the world, I’ve surrendered to my own stupidity.
“Today years old.” Every time someone types that, I lose another strand of hope for humanity. You’re not clever, you’re not relatable, you’re broadcasting that you just discovered the sky is blue and expect the rest of us to throw you a fucking parade.
“Latinx.” Nothing says cultural sensitivity like a word that sounds like something you deposit snot into. The term was invented in a university office by people who use “prolly” in emails and think their gender studies minor makes them revolutionary. (Why Latinx is controversial)
These aren’t just bad words, they’re linguistic potholes. Every time you use one, you make the road to intelligent conversation that much harder to drive on. And most of you don’t even notice the wheels coming off.
We’re in a golden age of verbal laziness, where people replace words with emojis and expect to be understood. Entire thoughts are crammed into acronyms that mean nothing, and “writing” is just spitting letters into a group chat like a feral raccoon pawing at a keyboard.
“Nom nom.” Stop it. You’re not a toddler. You’re not a raccoon eating leftover Taco Bell from a dumpster. You’re a grown-ass adult, and you sound like a cartoon mouse who just discovered cheese.
“Doggo.” It’s a dog. A simple, beautiful word. Stop trying to make it cuter like you’re talking to a four-year-old. Next time someone says “doggo” in front of me, I’m tossing their phone into the nearest river.
“Bae.” Supposedly short for before anyone else, but let’s be honest, it’s just because people can’t spell “babe” and wanted to sound trendier than they are.
“Stan.” You’re bragging about being a stalker. That word comes from Eminem’s song “Stan” about an obsessed fan who drove off a bridge. But sure, let’s turn it into a compliment and pretend we’re not normalizing psycho-behavior.
“Totes.” You sound like a human tote bag—empty, crumpled, and probably left behind at Whole Foods.
“I did a thing.” No one cares about your craft project, Jennifer. No one asked.
“It’s me.” What are you, a caveman with Wi-Fi? This isn’t endearing. It’s verbal rot.
“Obvi.” If it were obvious, you wouldn’t need to say it out loud while batting your eyelashes like a deranged anime character.
“Literally.” People sprinkle this word into every sentence like it’s seasoning, even when they’re describing something completely figurative. You didn’t “literally die” watching that show, Courtney, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
“Irregardless.” This Frankenstein’s monster of a word needs to be buried deep with a stake through its heart. (Why “irregardless” is wrong) The word is “regardless.” Adding “ir” doesn’t make you sound smarter, it makes you sound like a malfunctioning chatbot.
“Firstly.” You’re not delivering a royal decree. Start with “first” and keep it moving.
Every one of these words is a rusty nail in the coffin of intelligent conversation. They’re shortcuts for people too lazy to finish a sentence or too desperate for attention to realize they sound like idiots.
This is what happens when the culture prioritizes cute over clear, memes over meaning and attention over actual substance. These words don’t just cheapen conversation, they strangle it. And if I hear one more influencer drop “adulting” into a video about buying scented candles, I’m going to launch my laptop into orbit.
Stop treating language like a disposable cup and start respecting it as the only tool we have to communicate like actual human beings. Or don’t. But don’t be surprised when the next generation speaks entirely in emojis and the only word left in English is “like.”
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